Sunday, August 09, 2009

Church Humour

THERE was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its lots, so the parishioner put up a sign:


That took care of the problem!

Below are various church signs and notices that show the divine message can be conveyed through humour.

  • No God – No Peace? Know God – Know Peace.
  • Free trip to heaven. Details inside!
  • Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
  • An advertisement for one church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads: “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”
  • “When the restaurant next to a church put out a sign with big red letters that said, “Open Sundays”, the church reciprocated with its own message: “We are open on Sundays, too.”
  • People are like tea bags – you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.
  • Fight truth decay - study the Bible daily.
  • How will you spend eternity – Smoking or Non-smoking?
  • Dusty Bibles lead to dirty lives.
  • Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
  • It is unlikely there will be a reduction in the wages of sin.
  • Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
  • If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
  • If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.
  • Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
  • “This is a ch _ _ ch. What is missing?” ... U R
  • In the dark? Follow the Son.
  • Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up.
  • If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.

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