Monday, February 02, 2009

The Cow Corporation Part 1

I got this through e-mail....

Got Two Cows

TRADITIONAL CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch..

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows and none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested..

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A MALAYSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0..60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk and they go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.

Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.
And last but not least,

A SINGAPOREAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
One cow-peh and one cow-bu.
(For the benefit of my English speaking reader, cow-peh cow-bu in Hokkien dialect is to ask the other person to stop grumbling. Direct translation is cry-father cry-mother.)

---- Part 2 will come soon ----

2 comments:

Nil said...

SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour
COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away.
CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get
four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights for six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells the rights to seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving
you with ten cows.
No balance sheet is provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
THE ANDERSEN (pre-Accenture) MODEL
You have two cows.
You shred them.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have two cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the hell out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

FM Luder said...

Hahaha the British one is true... each year we alternate between having mad cows and foot-and-mouth cows!