Jokes to start the new year!

.... enjoy and laugh
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1) Wife: Honey..... What are You Looking for?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

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2) Q - What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings you into this world crying... and the other ensures you continue to do so.
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3) Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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4) Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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5) Girl : When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy : It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl : Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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6) Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom : Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
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7) A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU the FORTUNE"
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8) Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son : "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

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9) Interviewer to Millionaire : To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire : "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer : "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire : "Billionaire"
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10) Girl to her boyfriend : One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies : Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha
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11) A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: " I like your sense of humor